Sweet & Sour

Life lately seems to be one or the other. There are moments when I think nothing could be better, when I think I have reached the top, only to be followed by a moment I dread, and conversation I dread or drama that I really dont want to be a part of. The hardest part of this entire transition is being Nicoleless. lol My best friend is one of a kind. Its one of those things I dont have to say one word and she knows exactly what is going on. I swear she keeps me sane!! When things are sour, her and I usually go to walmart and buy pickles and cookie dough and have a movie night...she even holds me sometimes when I need it, or we go rollerblading, or to "make-out rock." Her and I are two totally different people, but we understand each other better than anyone else I know. Nicole, I am going crazy without you...

There is something about home....I dont like Wisconsin, dont like Oshkosh, and dont have many friends to go home to, but there is something about home that makes everything better. Maybe its the smell of my house, or my family, maybe its that my dogs greet me no matter what mistakes i made or what my mood is, maybe its the quiet snow that seems to alwasy be falling, maybe its because I know my place there, im not sure...but home..i sure do miss you, and i cant wait to pay a visit...regain my sanity....

God has been really speaking to me about joy...He has been showing me that Joy isnt conditional...he gave me a reason to have joy...bad days will come, mood swings will come, but i always have a reason to have joy and never have a reason to be without it...thats something I have been working towards...

Lately...when i pray, i feel like I am talking to myself, to a brick wall...I just wanna be like God are you listening! Are you there...but then he has been speaking to me through a lot of other things...just don't always feel like he's listening....its frustrating...

I have really been trying to map out a good relationships...Pastor Kyle and Jess at Central Assembly have really been a role model to me, they have no idea, but I have kinda been watching them, and I really look up to them and what they have together. I noticed one of the coolest things ever this week...even more than Caleb is my boyfriend...he is my best friend here...I value our friendship so much, I have had a huge breakthrough...I had no problem trusting him with my life, but today was the day that I gave complete trust in him...he has my heart and I trust him with my feelings and emotions...there is no turning back from here...I am in this for the long run. Can't wait to bring him home, I am so proud of him as a person and also proud to say he is mine!